When is Helping Out Being too Clucky

I visit my mum & dad once a week, with my dad not being in a good state, unable to string a proper sentence together & finding day to day tasks harder to do so that he has carers around to help him shave, shower & get him changed I do feel protective of him, but I also don't want to appear clucky or for that matter too distant or unhelpful. Finding that delicate balance is difficult. I try to be helpful but not mollycoddle but sometimes I'm wondering if I am not doing enough. I help when he is indicating something by either pointing or putting together as many words as he can, but he can be hard to understand now as he will lose the words he is trying to think of which sometimes aren't clear. The problem is, is distinguishing what is the frustration of not being able to communicate & physically cope with things as well as he used to from the frustration of being fussed over, seeing as though he was very independent.

Through all this though I try to keep the humour up & try to make him laugh at least once when I am there & talk to him as if we're having a normal conversation as I feel that it is important as he loves a good wind up, good jokes & a decent conversation, without talking down to him as he is still the same person. I help out with some housework too, so hopefully it is of use too both of my parents who are struggling at the moment, but there are times which I feel I should be there more, but would that mean I'm becoming a nuisance as other friends & family members come to visit & I don't to crowd him, plus I realise I can't put my life on hold either. i guess I'm just venting trying to find out my place in all this, thanks for listening.

Comfort eating

I will have to admit to comfort eating recently, I'm not sure when I started to associate food with comfort, but I dare say it was a while ago. It didn't help that my family are not exactly small eaters, but having said that my sister is a big eater & yet she is a UK size 10 even after having a child, she does in fairness eat healthier than me as she has a dairy intolerance & has also recently been finding yeast, wheat & sugar an issue. I'm not the most unhealthiest of eaters either, I have very little processed food in my diet, possibly because I can be a bit of a fussy eater as I don't like my food too salty or too bland which most convenience foods fall into. My biggest issues food wise has always been sweets, biscuits cakes etc. I do have a sweet tooth, but have also got a thing for cheese, well some cheeses anyway, the ones that aren't too salty tasting or smell heavily of feet. On the upside I do get cravings for vegetables if my diet has been lacking them & the morning doesn't seem right if it doesn't have not from concentrate fruit juice. I have been finding that anything more than 2 glasses of wine have also been giving me indigestion of late so I'm overhauling my diet & hoping I can stick to it such a stressful time. I have swapped my sweets for fruit I am going to make sure i am properly hydrated by drinking water, as sometimes your body tricks you into thinking it is hungry rather than thirsty.



I did delay my start date twice but now it is here, This morning I had cut down on portion size of my breakfast as I feel that cutting down on it as it was a larger portion than was needed & I did find myself feeling a little sluggish. I am waiting 20 minutes at least after eating before bringing out the sweet (which is now fruit rather than biscuits) from the main meal so I actually feel full having eaten less as I have given my body a chance to digest & realise it has had food. So perhaps it is not so much a diet but a change to the way I'm eating.



So the latest batch of comfort eating has come about from my dad's deteriorating condition from his brain tumour. I thought I was being emotionally quite strong but then I noticed the amount of chocolate I was consuming was going up & not just by a little. I think I was becoming addicted to the warm fuzzy feeling of serotonin as well as the sugar rush. Added to this was an increase of meat, cheese, takeaways and fried food & then I realised something was going wrong. I have started to meditate, do more craft work, I'm visiting my parents more to lend a hand so I am finding more pragmatic & helpful ways of dealing with my situation. As the weather improves I also hope to spend more time on the vegetable plot too.

Coping with PTSD Whilst When your Father is Diagnosed with Terminal Brain Cancer

It has been a while since I posted anything but things have been a little fraught over the summer period & I can only now feel I can write about my experiences. It is hard coping with my PTSD at the best of times which tends to catch up with me in the summer sending me spiralling into depression with the flashbacks & nightmares leaving me struggling to even to muster the energy to get out of bed in the morning. 

This summer has been especially hard on me mentally. I have had to not only muster strength for myself but to support my family. There is no convenient time to hear such news but when it happens at such a difficult time it can seem that somehow life is never going to be happy or better. When hearing for the second time that my dad had had a seizure I had prepared for the worst which may have seemed morbid & almost paranoid at the time, when the news came about I had done my crying for him, did my time of feeling less than strong & was feeling more able to cope with the situation when it came about, leaving me able to be there for not only my dad, but my mum & my sister too.

But because of having dwelt in my melancholy through the summer I felt that I needed to try & get things back to normal. I am trying to not fuss around my dad as it can seem to stifling from someone who needs more of an escape from what is happening rather than dwelling on it. When the news was broken to friends & family though they were very supportive & it did kind of felt like my dad was the most prayed for atheist known to man, with Christians & Pagans alike. 

But what I felt really helped was the support of my partner & friends so I'd like to say an enormous thank you. You have been amazing through a tough time, many of you reinforcing my faith in friendship. I am grateful to you all & I think shall finish writing it here as I started to not be able to see through the tears & I need to get some tissue to blow my nose as I have got to admit it not my most flattering of looks.

PS sorry for the lack of a catchy title

A little exercise

I have decided to take up using the urban gym in the park I'm not as fit as I would like to be so I have decided to do something about it, the gym is in the local park so is not far away but I have to not feel as self concious as I did today, I dare say that will come with time along with physique changes & with it being an outdoor community one it is free, so why shouldn't I take advantage of it. I think I felt self concious because it is outdoors & exposed, you are seen by dog walkers but when you have a bit of lard on your bones it feels like you are being judged, even though they are usually more concerned about what their dogs are doing rather than some bloke doing exercise. I'm also looking to go on a bit more of a health kick and cut out the sweets, biscuits etc and reduce my alcohol intake, so hopefully my torso will match my lower body which is toned from walking between Halesowen & Merry Hill to work which is approximately 5 miles each way. So wish me luck, muscles & metabolism

Alternative medicine & conventional medicine

A couple of weeks ago I had an upset stomach, not sure what caused it whether it is as I suspect food poisoning (self inflicted by not cleaning the microwave after making sure some chicken wasn't undercooked, it has since been sterilised) or whether it was the bug that was going around, I'm less likely to go with that as I was not vomiting like everyone else was. I started out drinking some fennel tea as that usually stops such things, but it didn't, I then took some loperimide (immodium for those who do brands) that didn't work either but by this time it was the weekend & the doctors would be open until Monday, so I bit the bullet, if neither were working on their own work them together, I also upped the dose on the herbal remedies too & it seemed to do the trick. Moral of the story is do not dismiss one for the other, if neither are working, as long as it is safe to do so use them combined. I know too many people who would dismiss the validity of herbal medicine but also those who think that conventional medicine is more harmful than good, neither approaches I think are helpful as you could end up missing out on something that could better treat your condition.

Losing Weight

I have registered at my local doctors but in the consultation I got put into the obese catergory & because I have 2 diabetic parents have been told to lose weight which is fine with the execption that I'm supposed to lose 5 stone to fit into the height to weight ratio according to health guidelines. The problem comes with the fact for me to lose that amount of weight I would also need to lose muscle as well as the fat that I have to become 13 stone, so diet, exercise & muscle wastage. I know I can do the first 2 but how am I supposed to do the latter I'm not entirely sure. I am back on a healthier diet than what I was as since Christmas I have been eating junk. My main weakness is for snacking & ale I need to stop doing both but need to have the will power. I will allow ale on mootnights but think the drinking at home must be cut down dramatically, plus I'm not sure I'm drinking enough water anyway so may be able to kill two birds with one stone. I'm also putting down the rule of if the sweet treats are not home made they don't get eaten & one more thing I need to do as far food is concerned is to cut down on portion size my family are large eaters, as to whether I can do it is another question, but what I do eat is a lot healthier some people I know as I don't eat processed food as a rule as I love cooking from scratch & I love fruit & veg & generally crave it if I haven't had enough of them. I also need to connect the the Kinect back up on my Xbox too so I can increase my exercise from walking 8.5 miles on work days to adding more cardiovascular exercise to it too, though when the weather perks up I have a fair few heavy jobs on my new veggie plot & in my back garden so that will be a boost too. But where the weight loss scale does fall down is on muscle as last time I lost the inches around the trunk of my body my weight went up, so I could have the perfect six pack & still be called obese, what happens if/when that happens? I guess I won't know but I would question it seeing as though most rugby players have a bmi that suggests they should have difficulties walking. Wish me luck & I shall be hitting the spell books for an extra boost when the moon has changed to waning.

Flu & stuff

I'm sorry it has been a while since I have been blogging I have been puli bad, having had the flu (apparently being ill around here has something to do with misbehaving dogs http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Puli ). Now normally I would try my best for my ailments not rule my life, but this did properly floor me. I did go into work but that was more to not knowing whether I would have my shifts covered. I really wished I had phoned in sick so I could have properly rested, but other than going into work I was sensible, hibernating under a duvet, keeping up my fluids, avoiding dairy & eating soup & dry biscuits. I did have to take it easy as flu & asthma are not exactly the kindest of bedfellows & at the moment my lung capacity is not back up to normal & my chest is still rattling like a  toddler with a set of maracas. If you are unfortunate enough to get flu be sensible don't treat it like a cold, take care of yourself as unlike a cold (unless you are an alien from War of the Worlds) the flu can kill. This is one time I let myself be the patient & I do feel better for it

Crystals

It's been a while since I touched upon a Witchcraft subject, so I'm going to talk about these sparkly beauties. Crystals have been big business in the New Age & Pagan markets & many books have lists of crystals & their attributes. I've trained in crystal therapy, don't judge me it was a free course & it did definitely do something, but I have a feeling that it was more down to the placebo effect, I believe this due to the fact if 'energy' came into it sure it would bare the scars of a wounded planet possibly wounded men & women as a lot of our beloved crystals are far from ethically sourced, the recent political battles with the platinum mines are case in point. So if they have these energies that heal why don't they bring the energies that harmed the people or landscape in extracting them? Yes gemstones have different properties in their make up diamond being pure carbon, quartz being a silicone dioxide as well as a high scoring word in scrabble, but are we holding on to superstition just for a mass market or does it really work & my scepticism is just working overtime. Does the leaving them out in the sun destroy the 'negative energy' by radiation & the full moon 'realigns the energy' through it's magnetic pull. I never thought I'd see the day when I might put science into said post. I suppose quartz does power watches, but if you wanted quartz that badly go in your garden, those white round pebbles are quartz, Britain is full of quartz, you don't need to get it from some country thousands of miles away, flown in at the expense of the carbon footprint of the planet & at least you know it's ethically sourced & you haven't harmed the planet to get them. I do admit though that I have kept some of the crystals I bought in my less enlightened as to how they were sourced days.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Confession time, I have post traumatic stress disorder, which leaves me with the overhang of depression for the summer months, so what was so traumatic to cause it, well first off I was indecently assaulted when I was 13 years old by a girl who was a year to a year & a half older than me, then at the age of 21 there was the fact I was almost murdered by spiking from a jealous ex & then there was the mugging at 23 which if it weren't for alternative medicine I would have been left blind in my right eye. It leaves you questioning life & its worth, it leaves you feeling like is your life actually worth living? What are you living for? There are days when you just don't feel strong enough to cope, today is one of those days. I go about my day doing the best I can to cope, to help people out where possible so I don't feel quite so worthless. I'm not my usual talkative self today, I'm sorry, but I kinda needed to write, thought it might do me some good. I'm not the only one in the world that suffers from it, though at times it doesn't feel like it. It takes a lot to come out of the loony closet, if you know someone who has mental health problems, don't shy away from them, it is at that time they need their friends most

Herbal Remedies for Hayfever

I'm no stranger to herbal remedies, I have used a fair few in my time to great effect, at the moment though I'm using eyebright for my hayfever & although it is doing its job it should come with a side effect warning that it may leave you with your eyes not adjusting automatically from sleeping to being awake, as I wake up with dilated pupils & everything looks a little blurry first thing, it does go after a short time, this is not written on the bottle & it is sold as a dietary supplement, though what its dietary values are I'm not entirely sure. I have tried giving local honey ago, but getting local honey is not easy & can be expensive, but again works, it puts the pollens in your system so you are less sensitive to them. Lavender is also good but is generally a good all rounder anyway, though I have run out of this. So when taking herbal remedies do look up its side effects, make sure that they are suitable for you, as some herbal preparations can trigger off health problems, negate the effects of medication, leave you sleepy or may not be suitable for use in pregnancy. I'm hoping to have a sneeze free year without feeling drunk on antihistamine or having to wash eye gack off my eyelashes just to open my eyes

Man Flu, Not on My Watch

Today I have a cold, lovingly given me by the birthday boy last Sunday. So why does it slow down some people more than others. OK I feel like rubbish but I still have things to do. My world does not stop just because of the snuffles, today I have fix the toilet seat, plant peas & do the weekly shop, as well as general household chores. I maybe a bit more sleepy than usual that is true but boredom sets in too quickly with me, I hate daytime television with a passion & not doing things because of a minor ailment leaves me feeling guilty beyond belief. My advice for people with a cold is:

carry a good supply of tissues
eat spicy food
drink hot toddies
avoid dairy
put eucalyptus, tea tree & lavender oils on your pillow (Olbas oil will also do the trick)
keep active
sleep when need be
don't milk it, you will only feel worse, your mental state does affect your healing time

For those with colds who are 'dying on the couch', call yourselves men? My grandma stays more active with a could than you. For those of you who do actually have conditions where a cold can kill you the above statement does not apply. The world is still turning & I'm carrying on regardless, yours lurgified, Pagan chaplain.

I however retain the right to wear trackie bottoms, a hoodie & a t shirt for maximum comfort

Tanning, A Burning Question

Yesterday, I spent all day in the garden & by the end of it was a lovely shade of brown. that only a day of gardening could provide, then afterwards I jumped into the shower to wash all the soil off & went back to my pale & interesting self. If I could tan, I seriously wouldn't consider getting one seeing as though I'm almost 32 & yet to even show the merest hint of a wrinkle. If it wan't for the fact of my receding hairline & my salt & chilli beard I could so easily lie about my age & be convincing, perhaps I should go around clean shaven & constantly wearing a hat. It wasn't so long ago in history that being tanned was thought of as being lower class, it has only been from the 50s & 60s did the tan even became remotely fashionable, since then there have been an increase of malignant melanoma in people & an increase of people who are starting to get faces resembling a Braille road map. If tanning looks good, it only stays that way for a short period & the ravages of constantly causing first degree burns takes its toll on you. If you were meant to be bronzed you would have been born that bronzed. The other thing I suppose you could do is fake tan yourself, there are some good ones out there I'm sure, but most of the people I see wearing them look like a slightly chavvy Morph impersonator. A colleague of mine had some of his girlfriend's fake tan rub off on him I told him to say it was the late stages of a bruise, which he actually got away with. the best thing is to be comfortable with your skin tone, your only young once & it is better to look that way for as long as you can or you will be spending a fortune on creams & injecting your face with modified botulism.

The Value of Relaxing

OK so this is going to be a quick one owing to the fact I will be going food shopping in a bit, so much for the relaxing part. But having worked 14 days of a fifteen day stretch I'm very much looking forward to my my day off on Wednesday & celebrating it with a hot chocolate in the hot tub. It isn't until you work such long stints of work do you realise how important days off are to you, I know a few friends & family members who will most definitely concur. A day that you might actually relish for the amount of activity making your day fly by seems more of a daunting task & you just wish you could say bugger this for a game of soldiers I'm going to bed. But in this day & age we quite often bite off more than we can chew in our work life, just so we can make ends meet, but we do need our downtime otherwise we crash & burn usually in a rather spectacular way that makes us feel worse & less likely to want to/able to get back into the swing of normal life. So at least try & take a little time out in your day to either meditate, relax or snooze, just don't forget to snap out of it when you need to, even though its sooooooo comfy. Anyway food shopping wont do itself & I need to put laundry through so I don't have to wear the dreaded wash day pants.

Takeaway Week (or Not Enough Veg)

Ok this week has been an incredibly hectic one & most nights this week so far have been takeaway meals for dinner because me & my partner have not had the time to go shopping. Now my local Chinese is a good one & we tend to use a good pizza company but my other half is way more carnivorous than me & every time I live his diet I tend to suffer. Thankfully we had Indian last night (also a good takeaway near me) which meant we have separate dishes so I went veggie. If I eat like my other half by the end of the week if I eat like my other half I tend to get trapped wind & I feel like I'm shitting porcupines when I go to the toilet which does make me wonder how do people who are lachanaphobic cope. I could not be without my vegetables, in fact I wish I could be vegetarian but my body just doesn't cope with it as I have tried it. After a week like this I really do appreciate the effects of a balanced diet & the joys of a home cooked meal, even if it is me who does nearly all the cooking in the house. Tonight is home cooked food night & it will be a vegetable lasagne, I'm really looking forward to it, I've missed the kitchen, well mostly, I don't miss the washing up, perhaps I should be a tidier cook. A week of takeaways has reminded me of a saying - too much of a good thing, I've indulged & now things are going to back to normal, thank goodness. I do prefer my meals not to come out of a foil tray, it tends to make look like I'm gathering equipment to make a helmet to stop aliens/major corporations/the government reading my mind, which is not good when you are trying to come across as sane.

Popping Pills

OK so this will be my last post of the week as I do have a busy weekend at work oh & a Rammstein concert with my sister. Don't worry I shall be back next week as long as I don't get mauled for singing a Kath & Kim version of Mein Teil swapping the title for Wine Time, which is so very tempting. Back on track I do have a cold, as stated in my numerous previous posts, but one thing has bugged me about this cold, I have needed to take the conventional medicine approach a bit more this time, it is more to do with the getting rid of it rather than the cold itself. Last night I had a very disturbed night's sleep due to me coughing up a lung, no not literally, so after an hour of coughing I decided to go downstairs take some cough mixture & sleep on the sofa, which is no comfortable when you are 6'2", but it stopped me from disturbing my other half who as usual had to be up early for work. My reluctance of taking conventional medicine is thus, if I have 'a bit of a headache' as some of my colleagues do & take a paracetamol, aspirin, ibuprofen or elephant tranquilliser like they usually do what would happen if I really did have a blinding headache that was making me see stars, would they work as well? I feel we get way too dependant on over the counter remedies, if it is something slight it will go away, OK it might not be the comfortable way of doing things, but could mean that when there is a real problem then your body will react better to the meds & will not have built up a resistance meaning that you'd have to up the does to the amount that would kill a horse for them just to work a little. Your body can do amazing things it can heal itself far better than you think, believe in it & you may find that your headache may go away of its own accord, maybe just take a nap or massage your temples, just stay away from the little white things until absolutely necessary. I'm not saying that if you have a serious medical condition not to take your meds, just if your moaning about something insignificant in the grand scheme of things. So calm down don't take a chill pill it will not work until you stop taking them all the time & may stop rattling too. See you next week