tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9929185129031644112024-02-07T19:13:03.714-08:00Musings of a Pagan Chaplainsleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.comBlogger146125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-14174532768341164442016-06-13T02:16:00.000-07:002016-06-13T02:16:37.480-07:00Orlando RemeberedMy heart and prayers go out to the victims, their families and friends. It is hard losing a loved one especially in such circumstances. It is hard to know what drives people commit such atrocities, how hate can be so strong to kill innocent people. I guess we will never know. It saddens me to hear such things go on in this day and age.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-75936005404997619152015-04-21T17:45:00.002-07:002015-04-21T17:45:59.908-07:00Saying a Final Goodbye to DadToday, well technically yesterday seeing as though it is past midnight, I said my final goodbye to my dad, it was hard, but at least I know that I have said what I needed to say & that my dad was coherent enough to understand what I was saying & was able to respond, he may not have been able to say much in response, it was his physical actions that made it clear that he understood what I was saying. He put his hand to his heart when I said I loved him & held my hand when I said I was proud of him & there was a tear in his eyes. I still managed to make him laugh too which was my mission to make him laugh at least once every time I had been round.<br />
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It may not be the last time I see him alive, but I knew I needed to say something whilst he was still coherent & that he knew how I felt about him. It know leaves me feeling safe in the knowledge that I can now talk about things that may seem inconsequential & still be funny & try & give him as normal a sense of life as possible, knowing that I have said what is important. I also cooked for him too, giving him a new taste sensation of Swedish meatballs with mash potato, I used to enjoy cooking with him as a kid & I'm glad that I got to cook for him one last time.<br />
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Today I also had the rather novel experience of eating my dinner whilst sitting on a commode, don't worry I wasn't having a shit at the same time.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-56298845388739747132015-04-11T02:42:00.002-07:002015-04-11T02:42:43.794-07:00STOP PUTTING ELECTION LEAFLETS THROUGH MY DOOR!!!!I try to keep the amount of rubbish I throw away or put in recycling to a minimum but it appears that political parties the 2 main ones in particular don't realise that constantly bombarding you with more & more fliers is going to start pissing you off. My cardboard & paper recycling bag is full already mainly with party political leaflets & we don't get our recycling taken away until Thursday of next week.<br />
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Guess what I have already made up my mind about who I'm voting for & sending me endless campaign leaflets is not going to sway me. I watch the news, I have gone onto which political party suits you best websites & they all come out as saying I should vote for the party I am going to vote for, predominantly because I give a damn about how the country is won. For those that don't shoving endless leaflets through there door will just end up as yet more rubbish. You want to cut carbon emissions & make Britain a greener country start by not cutting down trees for people to then have to recycle. You want to cut spending, stop making so many unwanted & mostly unread leaflets. The only use I have for them is some make good templates for my craft projects & I have also used a couple for kindling as I needed to burn some privet that was chopped down.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-65027479396277749532015-04-08T04:05:00.000-07:002015-04-08T04:05:08.795-07:00When is Helping Out Being too CluckyI visit my mum & dad once a week, with my dad not being in a good state, unable to string a proper sentence together & finding day to day tasks harder to do so that he has carers around to help him shave, shower & get him changed I do feel protective of him, but I also don't want to appear clucky or for that matter too distant or unhelpful. Finding that delicate balance is difficult. I try to be helpful but not mollycoddle but sometimes I'm wondering if I am not doing enough. I help when he is indicating something by either pointing or putting together as many words as he can, but he can be hard to understand now as he will lose the words he is trying to think of which sometimes aren't clear. The problem is, is distinguishing what is the frustration of not being able to communicate & physically cope with things as well as he used to from the frustration of being fussed over, seeing as though he was very independent.<br />
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Through all this though I try to keep the humour up & try to make him laugh at least once when I am there & talk to him as if we're having a normal conversation as I feel that it is important as he loves a good wind up, good jokes & a decent conversation, without talking down to him as he is still the same person. I help out with some housework too, so hopefully it is of use too both of my parents who are struggling at the moment, but there are times which I feel I should be there more, but would that mean I'm becoming a nuisance as other friends & family members come to visit & I don't to crowd him, plus I realise I can't put my life on hold either. i guess I'm just venting trying to find out my place in all this, thanks for listening.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-27960484006678009612015-04-02T02:52:00.001-07:002015-04-02T02:53:50.328-07:00Comfort eatingI will have to admit to comfort eating recently, I'm not sure when I started to associate food with comfort, but I dare say it was a while ago. It didn't help that my family are not exactly small eaters, but having said that my sister is a big eater & yet she is a UK size 10 even after having a child, she does in fairness eat healthier than me as she has a dairy intolerance & has also recently been finding yeast, wheat & sugar an issue. I'm not the most unhealthiest of eaters either, I have very little processed food in my diet, possibly because I can be a bit of a fussy eater as I don't like my food too salty or too bland which most convenience foods fall into. My biggest issues food wise has always been sweets, biscuits cakes etc. I do have a sweet tooth, but have also got a thing for cheese, well some cheeses anyway, the ones that aren't too salty tasting or smell heavily of feet. On the upside I do get cravings for vegetables if my diet has been lacking them & the morning doesn't seem right if it doesn't have not from concentrate fruit juice. I have been finding that anything more than 2 glasses of wine have also been giving me indigestion of late so I'm overhauling my diet & hoping I can stick to it such a stressful time. I have swapped my sweets for fruit I am going to make sure i am properly hydrated by drinking water, as sometimes your body tricks you into thinking it is hungry rather than thirsty.<br />
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I did delay my start date twice but now it is here, This morning I had cut down on portion size of my breakfast as I feel that cutting down on it as it was a larger portion than was needed & I did find myself feeling a little sluggish. I am waiting 20 minutes at least after eating before bringing out the sweet (which is now fruit rather than biscuits) from the main meal so I actually feel full having eaten less as I have given my body a chance to digest & realise it has had food. So perhaps it is not so much a diet but a change to the way I'm eating.<br />
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So the latest batch of comfort eating has come about from my dad's deteriorating condition from his brain tumour. I thought I was being emotionally quite strong but then I noticed the amount of chocolate I was consuming was going up & not just by a little. I think I was becoming addicted to the warm fuzzy feeling of serotonin as well as the sugar rush. Added to this was an increase of meat, cheese, takeaways and fried food & then I realised something was going wrong. I have started to meditate, do more craft work, I'm visiting my parents more to lend a hand so I am finding more pragmatic & helpful ways of dealing with my situation. As the weather improves I also hope to spend more time on the vegetable plot too.<br />
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sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-48317740082217646712014-09-18T04:35:00.000-07:002014-09-18T04:35:37.863-07:00Coping with PTSD Whilst When your Father is Diagnosed with Terminal Brain Cancer<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has been a while since I posted anything but things have been a little fraught over the summer period & I can only now feel I can write about my experiences. It is hard coping with my PTSD at the best of times which tends to catch up with me in the summer sending me spiralling into depression with the flashbacks & nightmares leaving me struggling to even to muster the energy to get out of bed in the morning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This summer has been especially hard on me mentally. I have had to not only muster strength for myself but to support my family. There is no convenient time to hear such news but when it happens at such a difficult time it can seem that somehow life is never going to be happy or better. When hearing for the second time that my dad had had a seizure I had prepared for the worst which may have seemed morbid & almost paranoid at the time, when the news came about I had done my crying for him, did my time of feeling less than strong & was feeling more able to cope with the situation when it came about, leaving me able to be there for not only my dad, but my mum & my sister too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But because of having dwelt in my melancholy through the summer I felt that I needed to try & get things back to normal. I am trying to not fuss around my dad as it can seem to stifling from someone who needs more of an escape from what is happening rather than dwelling on it. When the news was broken to friends & family though they were very supportive & it did kind of felt like my dad was the most prayed for atheist known to man, with Christians & Pagans alike. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But what I felt really helped was the support of my partner & friends so I'd like to say an enormous thank you. You have been amazing through a tough time, many of you reinforcing my faith in friendship. I am grateful to you all & I think shall finish writing it here as I started to not be able to see through the tears & I need to get some tissue to blow my nose as I have got to admit it not my most flattering of looks.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PS sorry for the lack of a catchy title</span>sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-24471009960138268682014-09-18T04:06:00.000-07:002014-09-18T04:06:03.115-07:00The Tale of Two ConcertsIt has been a very musical few days for me as my Birthday present was to see Arcade Fire at Earl's Court last Friday & yesterday for mine & Richard's 10 year anniversary we took in a CBSO concert at Symphony Hall Birmingham. Two venues are very different in both size & age with Arcade Fire being the last concert being hosted at the event because it is now going to become luxury apartments. I somehow think that the Economy of Earl's Court suffer because of it.<br />
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So on with the critique. Arcade Fire were supported by Owen Pallett on the day I attended, which I was very looking forward to as I do think his music is genius normally using only a violin, keyboard & various pedals & pick ups, I was surprised to see he was joined on stage by a guitar player & a percussionist,which although were good felt like it was a step away from what I had seen of him. Unfortunately I thought the venue was either to large or too empty at the time or both to get a good appreciation of his work due to the reverb as played tracks which I have seen recorded in smaller venues that sounded awesome, but at this concert seemed to be slightly disjointed by the echo. This leads me on to one of my pet peeves why do so many people only turn up for the main act, I have been at some awesome concerts with some pretty amazing support acts which I have come to follow greatly & would have missed if I hadn't turned up to see them. Arcade Fire were on top form,provideding me with one of the best concerts I've ever been to, there was a sense of art & carnival about the whole concert & even though it was their Reflektor Tour they played a lot of their older tunes too, to make it fully immersive for the crowd who had been with the band from their first album which in my opinion was their best, in fact I would say my favourite to least favourite album goes entirely by the order in which they released them. They involved the crowd,but not only that but also made it that the people who were seated also had additional things to watch rather than just the main stage, with dancers in drag, in skeleton suits & one in a mirror ball suit, along with the lighting effects, ticker tape & glitter cannons it made for a very entertaining evening. Iwentin knowing someof what to expect but this exceeded expectations.<br />
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The CBSO concert was a change of pace starting with Ravel's Mother Goose Suite which was beautifully played & I very much enjoyed. The Gerald Barry Piano Concerto was indeed a stark contrast to the Ravel it was discordant it did have some moments of genius where the piece held it together & you could see what he was trying to do but soon as you moved into that space he careened of it leaving you feeling a little disappointed. the Francisco Coll <em style="background-color: white; color: #4d4c4a; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.3333225250244px;">No seré yo quien diga nada</em><span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4c4a; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.3333225250244px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.3333225250244px;">première was almost just a cacophony of noise with a couple of bursts of genius but it was a case of they were</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.3333225250244px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.3333225250244px;">fleeting, I don't mind modern music but to create noise with what seems little purpose is frustrating & to me smacks a little of that will do rather displaying a finely crafted piece which makes sense. I found myself applauding the talents of the musicians & conductor who had the rather thankless task of not only playing such discordance but also had to suffer rehearsing them & feeling that the composers really could have done better. The final piece was Thomas Ades another contemporary composer although had played with sound & its structure took you on a journey it had moments where yes it does challenge structure but does it effectively so you can follow it & fully appreciate it & understand where it was going & what it was trying to say, it stirred up the emotions, was assertive in its tone & totally blows you away pushing the boundaries to a sensible level so it is enjoyable & understandable. You get a feeling that he is a well rounded composer willing to be contemporary but knowing when it is going far enough to not lose the audience.</span></span></span>sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-13232459179989361782014-09-18T03:49:00.001-07:002014-09-18T03:49:58.023-07:00A little exerciseI have decided to take up using the urban gym in the park I'm not as fit as I would like to be so I have decided to do something about it, the gym is in the local park so is not far away but I have to not feel as self concious as I did today, I dare say that will come with time along with physique changes & with it being an outdoor community one it is free, so why shouldn't I take advantage of it. I think I felt self concious because it is outdoors & exposed, you are seen by dog walkers but when you have a bit of lard on your bones it feels like you are being judged, even though they are usually more concerned about what their dogs are doing rather than some bloke doing exercise. I'm also looking to go on a bit more of a health kick and cut out the sweets, biscuits etc and reduce my alcohol intake, so hopefully my torso will match my lower body which is toned from walking between Halesowen & Merry Hill to work which is approximately 5 miles each way. So wish me luck, muscles & metabolismsleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-23973565656552653882014-06-11T08:31:00.001-07:002014-09-18T03:50:55.542-07:00The Birthday Pilgrimage to the RollrightsVisiting the Rollright Stones has been on my to do list for a while, so what better day to do it than on your birthday was my thinking. I was not disappointed.<br />
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I first went to the King Stone, the weather worn appearance was beautiful plus it did look like it was sticking its finger upto the world, whilst in the field there were biggest coltsfoot leaves I'd ever seen, they were about 75cm across, if it ever starts to rain in summer they would make an adequate umbrella. </div>
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From there we moved onto the stone circle itself, half of the stones are difficult to see so counting them is difficult, apparently if you count the same number of stones twice you can make a wish, I didn't attempt it but can see how such a belief occurred. I got chatting to a woman who saw me shuffling a set of tarot cards which I had bought with me to charge them up as I lost my favourite deck at Birmingham Pride. The omens of them working were good & I gave her my first reading of them after the confirmation they would work for me & from what she told me I was accurate which is good to know I haven't lost my knack.<br />
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It was then onto the Whispering Knights & to my delight I saw 2 bullfinches which were stunning, along with skylarks, meadow pipits & a rather lovely cinnabar moth. I did stop along the way to look at a dog rose too as the rose is my birth flower. The Knights were awesome too with many people leaving offerings of coins on them. Don't expect to get rich gathering them as no one left anything of higher value than two pence. </div>
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It was well worth a visit &would love to go again in the future. I will update this post in the near future with photos & a bit more of the folklore of the place</div>
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sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-27718253061341960992014-01-14T10:45:00.001-08:002014-01-14T10:46:18.617-08:00The Atheist who was allowed to stayToday I was delighted to hear about a guy who was allowed to stay in this country on the grounds that if he went back to his home country he would be put to death because of his new found faith in atheism. Although it is not my faith, I believe that everyone has the the right to their own faith & should not be afraid to follow it, should not be forced to follow a faith that is not right for them through peer pressure. I do not agree that your religion should be determined by law either whatever your religion. As long as you live a good life, don't harm anyone & show respect to others it doesn't matter. I changed my faith, I found one that was right for me & 18 years on I'm still following it a it i right for me, I don't expect it to be right for everyone however, so this is why I am proud of our legal system & us as a nation, that this young Atheist man has been allowed to stay.<br />
Some people may wonder why I refer to Atheism as a faith, I do so as it is still a belief system even though it does not have belief in a god. No one has yet proven categorically there is a god of any description that is scientific, a more scientific mind will believe there is not one, they should not be judged on this as I believe that they should do the same in return, but to do that we all need to learn respect.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-22477258733712440862014-01-06T04:11:00.001-08:002014-01-06T04:12:51.262-08:00Reflections of the Festive PeriodWith Twelfth Night being yesterday I can now reflect on the festive period as a whole, this years festive period has been. So the festive period 2013-14 was a bit of a strange one, I had been busier in the run up to it between normal work & chaplaincy, though this year Yule did not feel anywhere near as rushed or squeezed in around work as it has done in the past, I had plenty of time to decorate, feast & meditate, I also managed to make time to make a Witch Bottle for the house. What did infuriate me was the amount of people who asked before the Winter Solstice why I hadn't put up my Christmas decorations yet? Well my response was as follows, I'm not Christian & don't decorate the house until Yule which according to the tradition of decorating your house up for the festive period is actually early as you are not supposed to decorate your house until Christmas Eve & you take your decorations down on the 6th oft January, the day after the 12 days of Christmas have finished. Many people I know looked at me weirdly when I said I took my decorations down so late, saying that they took their decorations down the day after Boxing Day or New Years Day saying that they were fed up of them by then, to which I point out if they are fed up of Christmas before Christmas is out why are you in such a rush to put up your decorations in the first place. OK that is my festive peeve out of the way. I may not be Christian but do like to keep up with folk tradition at this time of year.<br />
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This Christmas was more how I prefer Christmas, relaxed, there was a minor family altercation, but there always seem to be some niggle over Christmas but it lead to a more relaxed Christmas on the whole as far as timings & food went. It was also a relatively frugal Christmas with me making more presents this year than I have done before & it has been appreciated, although I do think I will have to make more chocolate fudge next year as it went down a storm as did my green tomato chutney, so it appears Christmas hampers are the way forward for me. New Years eve also cemented a friendship by having having Sean around for lunch & we swapped gifts I got a hand made dream catcher, he got some apple jam. The festive period although rushed seemed quite pleasing in the long run where people have appreciated skills & friendships & general sense of homeliness. So although I got accused of being a Scrooge for being sick of Christmas music before the day it arrived, it appears that I wasn't the Grinch either (that accolade was taken by someone else)</div>
sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-34649379305113045242013-12-31T11:21:00.001-08:002013-12-31T11:22:48.010-08:00December the month that was unbloggedSorry for not updating my blog but in December I ended up having only 4 days off including today, & the time was spent getting ready for the festive period. But what a month it was with Nelson Mandela dying, aeroplane disasters, storm winds, Russia taking note that the world is watching them & India taking a backwards step in gay rights.<br />
So taking each one in turn Nelson Mandela from which ever perspective you saw him became an emblem of hope & equality for many, OK he did have his freedom fighter days & sidled up to some communist factions, though on reflection can you blame him on either actions, as in his own country that was the only way he could get noticed & it was the communists who offered him support when the more democratic countries were trying to get him hanged. But it is what he did in his time in prison & saw to the equal rites of his people when he was elected we should focus on, the world misses you Madiba.<br />
Russia freed Pussy Riot & the Greenpeace protesters as the world turns its attention to the country even more with Socchi 2014 drawing ever near, but it is not just the people who want freedom & equal rites that are noticing Russia as religious extremists are using the world's attention their advantage too. Hopefully Russia will look to seeing about sorting it's backwards slide in human rites & in turn perhaps India will have a change of heart too. OK that is possibly delusionally optimistic, the reality probably wont be thus.<br />
So to the disasters, my thoughts go out to the families who have lost loved ones in the storms & plane crashes of recent times. My thoughts also go out to those who spent a miserable festive period without power & hope that you managed to get some sense of enjoyment through the festive period somehow, whether it was spending time with family that may not have seen otherwise or they celebrated Christmas on another one of the 12 days instead.<br />
In the next couple of days I hope to put my musings of the festive period up, as well as other things that have crossed my mind too. Enjoy the remaining 6 days of Christmas & have a happy new yearsleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-14747942917337023142013-12-04T07:05:00.000-08:002013-12-04T11:18:28.857-08:00The Warstone at NightSo last night I did do something that was stereotypical for a Witch to do, I visited I graveyard at night, though not any graveyard but Warstone Cemetery in the Jewellery Quarter. I went to visit the Warstone, as a natural erratic with a complex structure, I felt right at home visiting it. It is a sizeable chunk of felsite which was deposited there in the Ice Age by glacial shifting, it is thought to have served as a boundary marker & there are claims, although rather spurious that it was used in rituals in years gone by, though I have not come by any evidence as such. If it is a monolith of such repute it seems a little on the small side. It does however have an odd feel about it, perhaps it was because it was cold but it felt like it was pulsating & tingling, what was also odd is the fact that it is right next to the roadside. The cemetery has a good feel about it, full of life for somewhere dedicated to death as nature is slowly taking over. The mausoleum was also interesting acoustically as you don't tend to hear the traffic much when you are on the bottom as you do on the middle tier. It has some what look like rather interesting features but feel like I need to visit it during the day, but most definitely worth a visit whichever time of day you go.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-70440629049346423212013-11-27T10:35:00.001-08:002013-11-27T10:37:18.356-08:00Wychbury HillSo today I went on another jaunt to an ancient site, but for some reason my mind thought that it was closer to my house than it was, just because I can see it from my back window doesn't mean it isn't 2 miles away. The journey was quite interesting as I saw White bryony berries, dog rose hips & crab apples which give you the full on autumnal feel. Not remembering where the footpath started from I thought it was locked so went to find another path in. I did but it was awful boggy & the entrance to the woods was a little on the steep side as it was a defensive ditch designed to keep livestock out of the wood, but it was on a desire line so I thought that it was where people usually enter if coming from that direction, on entering the wooded part was greeted by the signs that a fallow deer had recently been shedding the velvet off his antlers on a tree which was great start for my actual walk around the hill & woods. It seemed almost churlish not to visit the Wychbury Obelisk or Wychbury Monument as it is more often referred to locally. Even after the renovation of it in 2011 they have not removed the Who put Bella in the wych elm graffiti on it referring to the body found in Hagley Woods nearby in the 1940's. I saw a skylark there as well as a couple of fieldfares. I then went back into the woods up to Wychbury Ring, the main reason for my journey. It is an impressive feet of prehistoric engineering, it is the first hillfort I have ever been too. I took the lower path from the obelisk around the hillfort just to get the scale of it. It is not the biggest hillfort in the world but it is still amazing, especially seeing the amount of yew trees growing in the area. Taking the path which was steeper than I would normally consider safe to get my clumsy backside down I carried on, surprisingly without falling over. I carried on out of the woods to the man made mound in one of the fields, you can't get to the mound without trespassing onto farmland to decided not to risk a visit. I'm not sure what the mound is but owing to it's asymmetry it is not an 18th Century lawn sculpture, it has been suggested that it maybe a spoil heap from an underground reservoir which is highly plausible as no archaeological remains were found in it. I went back into the woods where I saw in one of the slightly more immature yew trees a goldcrest, it was a gnat's breath away from me which was quite an exciting moment for me, further along the path I disturbed a female roe deer, I was well & truly in my nature geek element. I decided to climb the hillfort from that end which meant being a little bit on the flexible side as for me not to injure myself had to find the easiest part of the fallen tree to climb over. It was well worth it & I walked across the top until arriving back at the monument entrance, this time though having seen the relevant stiles knew vaguely where I was going though the desire lines from the stile are not conducive to the actual foot path which I realised when it looked like it was going into a recently planted/naturally seeded blackthorn thicket I cut diagonally across from where I was to the stiles as the other end of the field accompanied by the sound of stonechats & headed home where I had a rabbit dart out in front of me. The place does have a special feel to it though & I will most definitely go back in the spring.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-81622654257233850912013-11-21T10:41:00.001-08:002013-11-21T10:42:08.897-08:00St Kenelm's WellSo today I went on a pilgrimage with a Pagan friend I made through my paid job to St Kenelm's Well, which is just outside of Clent in Worcestershire. The weather held out despite it being the greyest part of the day, which is probably just as well as neither of us were wearing waterproofs. We walked the slightly longer less scenic route of going by the road (not recommended if you are going at a weekend if you are walking) which was less muddy & passes Uffmoor Wood as featured in a previous article. On the way we say a white feral pigeon (what most would call a dove) acting more like a bird of prey in it's circling & swooping flight, it landed near us on the roof of a shed. The reason why I posted such a detail is that in the legend of St Kenelm when he was beheaded a dove flew out of his severed corpse ascending to heaven & a light shone on where his body was hidden, it was a strange coincidence but cool none of the less. When arriving at the church of St Kenelm it took my breath away it is a beautiful little church from the medieval period made of sandstone with bat like gargoyles adorning it. If you take the path to the right of the church you are going through the main entrance there are some steps leading down to the well, the steps are quite wide & muddy so do be careful. The well has a sandstone rill to a collection point. I collect some water from there in a jar & left an offering of some home grown pea seeds which will hopefully provide a snack for some wild creature hopefully. But we are not the only Pagans to visit the site as many have left offerings tied to the tree some of which are most definitely Pagan some may have been Christian too. The well area is in a bit of a sorry state as some of the decking in the area is rotting & it has become a little overgrown although it doesn't seem wrong for the setting, though the next time I'll go there I will take a set of secateurs with me to cut back a bramble that snags the unwary. It is a peaceful place & you can see why people visit it. After finishing at the well site we went back up to the church & walked to the lost settlement of Kenelmstowe which is now no more than earthworks of where buildings, roads & a stew pond were, some buildings are easier to spot than others. Again we walked back into the churchyard & had a look round there are some really old yew trees in there as well as a small cross which must be it's oldest gravemarker, it certainly looks the earliest & is one of the smallest in the church yard. there is also what looks like a stone bowl to leave offerings in as well. I do heartily recommend this as a place to visit whether Pagan, Christian or just someone who likes quiet reflective time. I will most definitely be returning again.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-31329845034465678282013-11-21T08:12:00.001-08:002013-11-21T08:14:37.664-08:00Trans Deities & Other Religious FiguresCarrying from yesterday's theme from Trans Remembrance Day I would like to take a look at the trans side of religious figures, as if being trans is good enough for gods, goddesses & saints it sure as anything good enough for the rest of us. So where to begin? These are very brief overviews of highly complex mythologies so sorry if they seem to short to hold too much detail<br />
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Loki- Loki is a trickster god of Norse Mythology & often tried to curry favour/manipulate the giants by dressing as Freya, he also shapeshifted into a mare seducing a giant's stallion to thwart the giant & became pregnant giving birth to Sleipnir which became the steed of Odin<br />
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Dionysus/Bacchus- the Greek/Roman god of wine, ecstasy & liberty was depicted as gender ambiguous as a youth before being depicted as a bearded man in his later years<br />
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Athena/Minerva- The Greek/Roman goddess of wisdom, cities, craft & war (more on the resolution via strategy if war was unavoidable than creating violence & mayhem). Athena is occasionally depicted in men's clothing but has taken on male form, most notably in the Odyssey where she took on the form of Mentor, Telemachus, a Phaikian man & shepherd boy as well as other guises.<br />
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Inari- the Shinto kami of agriculture, industry & fertility is not given a gender as Inari can appear as a young woman giving out food, an old man carrying a sack of rice & as a blacksmith. Inari's other osscaiation is that of the fox.<br />
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Vishnu- a Hindu god who one of his Avatars is that of Mohini, whilst in this form Mohini acquires a pot of Amrita from the demons & returns it to the gods ensuring their immortality. She also tricks Bhasmasura (an ash demon) who is besotted with her into killing himself by getting him to touch his own head turning himself into ash. Shiva too is drawn in by Mohini's look too but later finds out that it is Vishnu.<br />
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Ardhanarishvara- is the merging of the god Shiva & goddess Parvati & is shown as an androgynous figure<br />
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Uumarnituq- in Inuit mythology the first two humans were male Aakulujjusi & Uumarnituq who were both male they decided to mate & Uumarnituq became pregnant, unable to be able to give birth Uumarnituq was turned into a woman.<br />
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Saint Marina/St Pelagia- she was raised a devout Christian by her father, but when she came of age to marry so devout was Marina to faith decided that living as a monk was preferable to marriage, Marina head shaved & in men's clothing headed to Qannoubine. Whilst living living there one of Marina's tasks meant staying the night at an inn as work took Marina out of the confines of the monastery, Marina was accused of getting the innkeeper's daughter pregnant, although the father was actually a soldier who was also staying there. Marina accepted the blame & was subsequently evicted from the monastery & raised the child, after ten years of being a beggar outside the monastery walls she was allowed back in but was given hard labour as penance, it was only at Marina's death did they realise that brother Marina was a woman& mourned at the harsh treatment given wrongly to her.<br />
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St Wilgefortis- another devout Christian who escaped marriage, she was the daughter of a Christian mother & a Pagan King prayed to be unappealing to her Pagan suitor & in return sprouted a beard. Her suitor was put off by this & her father was furious & sacrificed her life.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-62342278124681637722013-11-20T11:27:00.001-08:002013-11-21T08:13:24.077-08:00Trans Remembrance DayToday I wore a sprig of rosemary, in the language of flowers it means remembrance. Trans Remembrance Day should not need to exist as no one should be killed or persecuted into taking their own life because of their gender identity, but it does exist as unfortunately these things happen all to often, so the fact that this day does occur & people care does put a little bit of hope & faith in humanity back in my heart. It started in remembrance of Rita Hester in 1998, the murder is is as yet unsolved, this year 232 trans people have been killed, that is 232 too many. The press are seem to do little to help & in many cases hinder trans rites even in this country, with Lucy Meadows being case in point, harassed by the press so much that she felt that ending her life was her only option. This should not be happening, instead of trans people being an easy target for shaming & persecution they should not be a target at all. I was at a remembrance service today, it was non religious, but the impact was just as great, what was the most saddening part about the whole thing was the number of unidentified people, no family or friends claimed them as one of their own, seeming like they had no one to turn to or had barely even existed. This to should not be happening, regardless of someone's gender identity they should not be treated as outcasts & it saddens me that it does. My thoughts go out to all the friends & families of these people who lost their lives because of their gender identity & my thoughts go out to all those living with the horrors of transphobic bullying.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-24257033193869654632013-11-19T10:07:00.000-08:002013-11-19T10:07:33.954-08:00Wild Weather & Climate ChangeSorry I haven't posted for a couple of weeks I have not had a day off to do so. You would have to have been asleep or permanently high not to have noticed that nature has been a bit rough with us over the past couple of weeks. My prayers & thoughts go to the victims & their families of the affected areas. It appears that our weather is becoming more erratic in recent years & now even scientists are agreeing that global warming is happening & causing catastrophic effects with our weather. For all the money we spend for overseas aid to help the people who have been affected by the devastation, we may need to start thinking about what money we can put to reducing our own personal impact on the planet as far as carbon footprints are concerned. It may be as simple as making sure appliances are turned off when they are not in use or buying local & organic. Sourcing responsibly sourced items or buying in such disposable trends. We can all do our bit by looking at what we can do at home, sometimes the little things can make all the difference because if everyone did them it would no longer be a small thing being done. It would be good to see that if we all act together responsibly that such things won't get too commonplace in the world as no one should have to go through what the people in the Philippines, Illinois or Sardinia. sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-30504078650706503742013-11-01T10:32:00.001-07:002013-11-01T10:32:30.048-07:00Uffmoor Wood, the red path in winterThis was my walk, it was my first ever visit to the wood so did not know what to expect, other than mud & trees, I was warned how muddy it got before hand so donned scruffy trousers, wellies & a waterproof & headed out. What none of the websites tell you is that the first entrance into the wood if you are a pedestrian is about an eighth of the way around the red path & about a fifth of the way around the blue one & leaves you not even knowing that there is a yellow one. I took the red path this takes you around the perimeter of the woods which I wasn't really looking for in my walk but was rather pleasant in places none of the less. You tend to have farmland perpetually to your left which at some points is not even blotted out by trees but there is a spectacular part where two streams converge. There nature part I feel I slightly missed out on being on the outer part as I kept disturbing woodpigeons which then disturbed everything else in front of me, but I did get to hear a great spotted woodpecker, two jays & a sparrowhawk, there as also a portion of the path that had some beautiful plants including a native crab apple which was old & gnarly, I can only imagine what it looks like in spring but will check it out next spring. I probably wouldn't do the whole of the red walk again as it was a little disappointing for a woodland walk, it was more a hedgerow walk that has not been managed well. Back onto the mud it does get deep in one patch which I found to my mild peril as I got my wellie stuck in it & landed hands first when by hadn't quite realised it in time. All in all relatively pleasant if the signage is lacking at a useful point. If you are going in by car you will see a sign saying what is where.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-41017906624359735612013-11-01T04:11:00.001-07:002013-11-01T04:17:10.426-07:00Samhain/HalloweenSo it was that time again last night, on reflection not bad at all, my ancestor worship went as far as meditating & leaving out a homemade candy skull for them. I was so busy yesterday I didn't feel that I had enough time to do the spiritual side of things before being spark out on the sofa. With an early short shift I thought at work I could cope with what the evening threw at me, but with getting a pumpkin tagine with couscous ready as well as picking a pumpkin that was really a deformed courgette to be a Jack o'Lantern I was exhausted. the house decoration was limited to the pumpkin & & yellow chrysanthemums, I don't really go for the the plastic tat so much especially since we were heading out to a family party where they do go for the plastic novelties, they aren't Pagan & have young kids who they don't want to take out trick or treating as they don't feel right knocking on stranger's doors asking for sweets, which is understandable. What did become apparent from the trick or treaters that arrived at our house is that they appreciated I went to the effort of baking bat biscuits instead of plying them with yet more sweets & I got oohs & genuine thanks off them which actually felt good. I do feel however I felt a little disconnected with the meaning of it this year through pure planning as this was the first time I have lived on a street where there is heavy trick or treat traffic & was more concerned about not having the house egged, than spending time doing ritual, so today after doing the housework I'm going for a walk to feel more connected to nature, though wellies will be required. I kinda feel I have been more of a slave to the commercial side of it this year but held steadfast to my homemade beliefs at the sacrifice of honouring the dead as I usually do. I hope my passing nod in the chaos of the day was sufficient, but will think of them whilst out walking. Take care guys hope you had a good one.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-36495855412246454622013-10-24T04:03:00.001-07:002013-10-24T04:03:41.476-07:00Decoding DreamsI get asked to decode dreams often by both people who believe they have significance the future & by those who don't. I do believe that sometimes metaphor will come into it but most of the time I feel that it is your brain processing information in a rather jumbled up manner, as most people's brains tend to jump thoughts in the concious realm when they aren't concentrating on things, I think the mind does a similar thing when you are asleep. Sometimes though people won't realise the significance of certain things for instances I unravelled my other half's dream about the The Amsterdam Museum of Cakes & Pets, where his tour guide was a Yorkshire terrier with the voice of Ronnie Corbett. Here is how I broke it down:<br />
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Amsterdam- we were talking about future holiday plans<br />
Museum- we were talking about visiting some of the historical sites there<br />
Cakes- we were watching the Great British Bake Off<br />
Pets- we have cats but also see Yorkshire Terrier<br />
Yorkshire Terrier- was the name of an ale we were drinking which also had the face of a Yorkshire Terrier on the label<br />
Ronnie Corbett's voice- we were watching a rerun of Live at the Apollo where Rob Brydon was doing an impression of Ronnie Corbett<br />
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I'm sorry if this shattered illusions here but it was the closest thing that made sense as hitting the dream journals that I once owned kept giving me contradictory advice as to what it meant, plus I'd already realised patterns & occurrences that had happened that day, so take a dream dictionary with a pinch of salt, by all means keep a dream diary but then try to work out patterns from what you have seen or experienced & if you are dreaming that you need the loo, it is your brain telling you that your body needs to go to the loo not that you are embarrased about something. If you dream that your teeth have fallen out, you may have forgotten to clean your teeth before going to bed or are due for a dental check up instead of you're going to die.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-19948745363166149772013-10-03T04:43:00.001-07:002013-10-03T04:43:56.155-07:00High MagicHigh magic is not something I use often as my magical practices tend to be more instinctual & intuitive. But I do occasionally use it for larger issues which need added oomph. It does mean that when the time comes to do said magic it is more considered & on things that need more focus it is useful, but there are times when my usual practices of low magic can intervene, as sometimes astrological correspondences are are counter intuitive to the physical properties of ingredients used. Astrological correspondences were generally formulated in the time when it was thought that flies had four legs & that there was only four elements rather than a whole periodic table of them. I do get accused of being over analytical with my practices perhaps this is why I tend mostly to low magic as an analytical mind tends fit with the logic of magic & the physical too. Also sometimes I feel high magic is over egging the pudding too which to me can seem a little time consuming & using more effort than is required. But then you need to consider what you are doing things for low magic can sometimes only work to make a scratch in the paintwork, so I'm not totally against it, it's just half the time life doesn't throw large enough fish for me to bother with it, thankfully. Have I just jinxed myself?sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-66186803230390014762013-10-01T10:02:00.002-07:002013-10-01T10:02:37.435-07:00The Use of Low MagicSympathetic magic by some is considered low magic, but surely isn't it more like say no to a sledgehammer when cracking a walnut when you have a decent set of nutcrackers? It is true thgat with sympathetic magic you don't need a set of correspondences, it relies on will non the less. It also relies on knowledge of the matter that you are working with if using ingredients such as herbs as to what they do physically, herbs that boost the immune system are often used for protection as it physically boosts protection, herbs used in love magic have aphrodisiac effects etc. So low magic is not exactly simple even if the herbal side is called simpling. Then there is the physical side of it the making of poppets or using an etched name or personal effect, this maybe an easier thing to achieve, but the effort that has to go into it is just as great. The same rules apply to these magics in principle as to high magics & are equally as effective. So why is there such a snobbery to it? Perhaps it is because it allows a certain amount of flexibility or perhaps it could be seen as too reactionary, either way I don't feel it should be shunned by people of the usual high magic brigade as the essence of a situation is often as fluid as the situation. This is not to say that I don't use high magic from time to time but I do feel more comfortable with the low magic as to me it seems more intuitive yet cerebral at the same time.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-77080967318683836982013-09-10T07:15:00.002-07:002013-09-10T07:15:56.949-07:00Definitely feeling autumnalI seem to be geeting in to the swing of autumn this year, perhaps it is the growing of crops that has done it, but so far the autumn has brought the brewing of the first batch of beer for me, stewing of apples, baking of bread & thoughts of jam & chuntney making. it also means that the likelihood of walking home in the dark or in the rain has increased & I shall look forward to kick about fallen leaves. This year I have felt more connected than I have previous years, possibly because I have felt more connected to the land having more opportunity to work the land. It has made me feel as sense of accomplishment as I get the I grew this feeling which makes your food all that more sweeter. Am I being all nostalgic as to what the wheel of the year means to people? Maybe, but I do like the feeling. Autumn is very much my favourite season, rich in colour & food from the land & to that I am greatful. But also it means it is yet another year when my PTSD related depression has not got the better of me through the summer months.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-992918512903164411.post-23808320661436875842013-09-03T08:53:00.002-07:002013-09-03T08:53:45.960-07:00Music in Magical PracticeSomething struck me a couple of weeks ago, though I never got around to posting it for some reason, which is I'm never usually doing magical practices in silence, whether it is to the accompaniment of birdsong or if it is at home something to drown out the everyday noise. It was after watching a documentary on catch up about David Attenborough & Bjork & how music works did it make sense. I tend to pick music that I feel appropiate to the cause, for instance A Brand New Me by Bitter Ruin for dealing with my post traumatic stress disorder (though it is not the original meaning of the song it helps me deal with the events that lead to it in my head). The tone of the song is just as important as the lyrics the afformentioned song makes it clear about the kind of message it is about by both its tone & lyrics, other songs don't do this, for instance if you sing Eternal Flame by the Bangles in a creepy voice, it becomes very sinister indeed. Does this mean the tone is the more important than the lyrics? Maybe, but some music can be subversive in it's sound to it's message for instance Baby Come Home To Me by the Scissor Sisters may sound cheery but the lyrics are antything but. So some music that I like makes the cut magically where as others do not. Music doesn't need to have lyrics to become appropiate, Adaggio for Strings by Barber brings peace for me if I need for the pace of life to slow down. So going back to the lyrics thing I have weaved them into magical workings, Feeling Good by Anthony Newly (always tend to have the Nina Simone version in my head when using it) I use to bring in the positive in my life. To me I have found singing albeit not very well more powerful than just saying something or if if it isn't something to be sung chanting it more than merely saying helps me focus my intent. It is said that song predated structured language & if you put yourself in extreme circumstances quite often what noise you make will still communicate feelings even if there is words there. I'm interested if any of the other people who read this are the same & what music they use.sleepyowlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13653812730083466058noreply@blogger.com1