Confidence crash

Sorry for the major hiatus in the posting I had difficulties getting onto my blog. I have had issues recently with my confidence, it took a nose dive recently for real apparent reason, I feel I'm coming out of it as I realised there was no reason why I shouldn't have confidence in my self & kinda shook myself & told myself to get a grip, my life could be worse & has been in the past. Well it appears that I need to de clutter my head & do tasks that are important to me & my life, take strength from my faith. So if you are having a crisis in confidence & your not sure why, dig deep, concentrate on your strengths, do something you love & are good at & you may find your confidence creep back, but the first step is to acknowledge your lack of confidence first otherwise you won't be able to do much about it. The much happier Pagan Chaplain.

Don't be the bad man

If life has been a little shit to you & people piss you off or ride rough shod over you do not make yourself look like the bad man, by all means seek justice/karma whatever, but don't make yourself look like the bad man, you will not garner support by doing it. It is a hard thing not to do, I'm certainly not perfect & I have learnt from bitter experience this. Quite often the wrong doer will slip themselves up especially if you do the stuff you need to underneath, but if you yell, point fingers at all their inadequacies & call people rather unpleasant things in a way that is far from dignified then people will think what a prick & it will have the opposite effect of what you want. Be clever, keep your head & things will work out well in the end.

Having belief in yourself

Two posts in one day, woohoo, more to do with the fact that I was supposed to have don one of them yesterday but got sidetracked. So today's meant to post today post is this. As mentioned in my previous post I go to the Pride Proms, which is performed by the BGSO. Each time they pick something that is a bit tricky, they end up stressing, why I'm not entirely sure as they usually pull it out of the bag, this time being no exception. But one of people's main problems mine included if the truth be told is having belief in your self that you can do something. Confidence that you can do something goes a long way in helping you to do it. When I fail in something, it is usually when I don't believe in myself in what I am doing, OK sometimes things don't work out quite as well as anticipated but don't let that put you off, learn from it & then prepare yourself for the next time you have to do it knowing that you not to make whatever mistake it was again & you are approaching things differently rather than hide away, concentrate on what you do well & not what you make mistakes on & you will find you make fewer mistakes & are less likely to fade into the background. The ones who appear confident are the ones that shine & the ones that get noticed in the things that they do & who they are. So go out there be confident & people will appreciate & notice what you do more. Be bold

Group Apathy?

At this current moment in time, in a couple of areas that affect my life, some more than others there is a distinct sense of apathy or perceived apathy. People are getting stressed about inaction or are already assuming there will be inaction so are not bothering, if people stop thinking things will be thus & start being proactive surely it should help chivvy people along rather than just assuming that people will not be willing & then not bothering to do anything about it, thus creating a self fulfilling prophecy. I have become an employee forum rep for the company I work for & it does appear that there is a sense that it is impotent so people think why bother, no one is going to listen to you if you don't say anything, so speak up & people may want to listen. this applies to other areas of my life too, but people taking this attitude is surely self defeating. If women, gay people & black people had such an apathy in trying to get their rights then they wouldn't have got them. Nothing is achieved by saying why bother, don't assume people wont be interested, don't assume things won't get done & maybe, just maybe you will be proved wrong.

The Meaning of Dreams

Do you have a dream dictionary? A dream journal? Does the interpretations from looking up even fit? I find when looking at dream dictionaries they seem ill fitting or even contradictory & a jumble that doesn't even make sense. i tend to try & put the rational sheen on it for instance this morning I had a dream that I was in a teddy bear shop that also had a soft play area in it, I met with an old school acquaintance of mine,  I was also with my partner & I kept losing both of them & all kinds of cakes & refreshments were being served there & all I wanted to do was buy a teddy bear. So this is how I have interpreted it, yesterday I saw a post from said school acquaintance about him taking his son to the cinema for his birthday, this is why he appeared in my dream, his son is only young so that wouldn't make it unheard of that he was in a teddy bear factory, my reason for being there I found out that I'm an 'uncle' again (the quotation marks will disappear when marriage happens), as my partner got a text at ridiculous o'clock in the morning saying that his sister had given birth. The cakes & refreshments I put down to the bake sale that the chaplaincy had to raise money for Christian Aid (which raised an impressive £157) & the soft play bit came from a post I saw on UK Pagan about a bouncy castle of Stonehenge. The reason I kept losing people is whilst most of these things were happening I missed out doing them or something else during yesterday. Logical maybe but when you them all together it makes sense, it is not a case of what is happening in the future but your brain processing things that have either happened or you need to do, but somewhere in your head everything jumbles up into one place, either that or it was that I ate too much cheese last night.

Agression

Recently I have been witness to or had to avoid aggression. But what does aggression actually achieve? Every time I come across it I end up thinking what a douche. In my eyes it doesn't suggest how powerful you are, just how much you haven't master your communication skills, leaving you feeling insecure. It also leaves other people feeling just as lousy as you, why can't people talk things over, OK there may end up a bit of bickering from time to time but keep your cool & you can sort your problems out quicker without that awkward time you have to spend in limbo to cool of & the fact you shouted once quite often leads to shouting again which is far from helpful. I have hardly ever argued with my current partner perhaps 3 or 4 times max, which is not bad considering we have been together for almost 8 years. I had a guy stare at me a couple of days ago, all I did was look in the direction he was in as he had kicked a drinks can, which snapped me out of a daydream & he thought its a prime time to start a staring competition, which by this point he'd crossed the road & he was direction I was walking in, he stared that usual fatal stare as he went past me but I didn't follow it, though I felt as though he was still staring at me & as I looked around to cross the road, out the corner of my eye I saw him still staring at me. I did want to go ask him if I'd done anything wrong for him to instigate it or clear up the misunderstanding but when someone is in that zone it is hard to break them out of it. Another couple yesterday starting shouting at each other for rather petty reasons, I looked over & the guy shouted back at his partner 'look even, that man's looking at you now, you are being so pathetic' I raised my eyebrows shook my head & carried on walking, i didn't want to get involved in that one either. I have found it best to stay out of other people's arguments as it only leads to trouble & one or both of the parties getting upset. It is hard to deal with it, there is usually a deep underlying cause for it. If you feel you are the brink of an argument, step back, look at yourself & what you are hoping to achieve, wonder will it better sorted by talking in a calm rational manner rather than flying off the handle saying something stupid or even getting physical in your aggression. You can deflate a balshy rarara type person by being calm & reasonable & then leave feeling smug knowing that they were the ones who looked unreasonable & not you.